Zephieyr Instructions Sheet
Zephieyr Instructions Sheet
[the formatting is off. To see the .pdf, go to the bottom of my portfolio]
Quick Set-Up Guide
1. Sheet the Zephaer. Be careful to leave the central flap unsheeted. Zephiyr models I, IV, 7, and 103C have four other flaps to sheet. However, if it is windy, or if there is an impending power failure, you must pinch the layers of the corrugated sheeting together to prevent it from unflapping.
2. Always remember: Dirt is the Worst! Fully separate the main body of the Zephaer from the floor or the ground before flaking becomes uncontrollable. You should always have adult supervision, and a bucket of water on hand to prevent Spillage or Seepage.
• See Page ii for a full description of strategies for stopping flaking, including controlled exfoliations.
• Caution: leakage could cause severe disfigurations of the mouth or other affected orifices. If such leakage should occur, contact your local poison control center
3. Decouple your completed Zephyier from its light-touch valves using a socket-hammer. The Zephyar will soon learn to sustain itself on its own WASTE, however, you must ensure a constant flow at all times to the unit.
4. Using the double-barreled nozzle provided, inflate the Zephayer until its surface is taut and the secondary layer presses against Flap 3
5. Congratulations on your completed Zephieyir! In order to prevent it blowing away, affix the guy lines to the windy side (see Option 2)
Emergency Reversals
In emergencies and unplanned legal contingencies, the Zephaeyr can be made to flow backwards by court order only. Upon request, your lawyer will need to file a reversal suit in you local district supported by a notarized certification of authentic disaster from your insurance company. Reversing the Zepthair on high speeds can cause disjunctions that can lead to cracking, so it is advisable to also consult an in-network therapist or licensed counselor before reversal.
In order to reverse the flow, simply insert a court-ordered reversal subpoena into the intake valves. After evaluating the authenticity of the document (usually about 12 min), the Zephiear will automatically reverse Flow. Evacuate vicinity immediately.
Customizable Construction Options
Note: some of these options are highly volatile.
• Option 1: Colored Carapaces. For a wider range of carapace colors, including glow-in-the-dark and disco options, see our online catalogue. To change the backplate, carefully insert a finger or other object in the space at the bottom center of the battery compartment and lift to remove cover. Clip replacement carapace into the taps on either side of the inner casing. Secure and rotate into place. It is recommended that the color of the backplate component be changed frequently to maintain audience interest.
• Option 2: Guy Lines. For extra support on windy days, you can attach the provided guy lines to the windward side of your briefs.
• Option 3: Lubrication. To prevent chafing to your person when you engage with the unit, all external surfaces of the unit can be lubricated with proXeph Bodyglide Lubricant (available from our online catalogue). Warning: do not lubricate the handles. You may lose your grip on the Xephaier unit, allowing it to escape. The Zephaiyier Warrantee does not cover runaway units.
Bi-Monthly Routine Maintenance
This easy maintenance and tuning routine should be executed on a bi-monthly basis to prevent component failure, blockages, outages, and total collapse.
1. Controlled exfoliations should be regularly performed upon the surface of the Zeyphir.
• To exfoliate the Zephayer, lift the front cover and remove the inner cartridge.
• Using rubber gloves, run the cartridge over all the sheeted surfaces of the Zeypher. Rub against the grain. The sheeting will flake geometrically.
• Consume or dispose the waste properly. Do not pour down the drain.
2. Rotate the grommets regularly. If your grommets have already gone, there is no need to rotate them.
3. Oil all internal organs.
• Disassemble the driveshaft
o Gently insert a finger or other small object behind the casing and lift it toward you
o Remove batteries, noting their polarization for reassembly
o Remove toner cartridge
o Disassemble piston/driveshaft unit
• Lubricate the component parts with proZeph SpeedOil (available in our online catalogue)
• Reassemble.
Safety
* The ZeFEAR is not a toy. Keep away from nose and mouth.
* Never use the Zephiayr alone. Always SuperVise yourself and anyone else in the room with an adult or spiritual SuperVisor (available from our online catalogue).
* When using SuperVision, make sure the SuperVisor is raised and can see all primary angles of the Zephaeyr without needing to rotate or readjust.
* In the event that the Zephyer overruns itself and you fail to catch it, alert your local authorities.
* Splashback may occur, so it is advisable to always wear eye protection and keep your mouth closed when using the unit. If the Fluid is ingested, flush the affected orifice and immediately induce vomiting.
* To prevent structural damage to your shelter, only use your Zephyiar on hardwood floors.
Troubleshooting
One. Seepage
If your unit begins to leak or seep, check for blockages in the WASTE uptake tubes.
+ If there is a block, carefully disassemble the secondary pneumatic assembly, clean all component parts, and reassemble.
+ If there is no blockage in the pneumatic assemblies, then there is a problem with your power supply. Contact your local electricity provider.
Two. Erosion
If you use your Zephaier on other than hardwood surfaces, it may cause erosion. If you find yourself sliding towards the unit, immediately cease its operation and allow it to consume the rest of its WASTE.
Warrantee
We absolutely guarantee that your Zephyaer will maintain itself for hundreds of years, even if it stops working due to user error.
We stand behind the materials used in the component parts. If any part should unexpectedly dissolve, use our online chat support, and we will replace it free of charge.
THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING ZEPHAYIER: DELIVERING PROFESSIONAL SUCTION AND PRODUCTION SOLUTIONS SINCE 1973